What happens when you separate?
A plain-language guide to the separation process
One of the most unsettling things about separation is not knowing what the process looks like. What happens, in what order, who's involved, how long it takes.
The honest answer is that it varies — but it varies within a structure. Understanding that structure, even loosely, means you won't be caught off guard by what comes next.
What does a separation actually deal with?
Most separations focus on three matters. They can be handled together or separately, but each one needs to be addressed.
The financial settlement divides what you have, what you owe, and what you've each built — including superannuation. For most women, this is the matter with the longest-lasting consequences, and the one worth understanding most clearly. It's governed by the Family Law Act 1975, and applies to married and de facto couples alike.
Parenting arrangements, where there are dependent children, cover how care, living arrangements, and decision-making will work going forward. These can run alongside the financial settlement or be handled separately.
Formalising the agreement turns whatever is agreed into a legally binding form. Without that, an agreement isn't enforceable, and either person can revisit it at any time. How it's done depends on the path taken.
Some separations also involve spousal maintenance — ongoing financial support from one person to the other. Whether it applies depends on your circumstances, and a solicitor can advise.
How are most separations actually resolved?
Most separations don't reach a courtroom. Most are resolved somewhere in the middle, with professional help on both sides. There are five common approaches.
Negotiation between solicitors — each person engages their own solicitor, who negotiates for them. This is the most common approach where there's some goodwill but also complexity: significant assets, superannuation, or disagreement about what's fair. Engaging a solicitor doesn't mean going to war. It means having someone who understands the process and is working only for you.
Family dispute resolution (mediation) — a trained, independent mediator helps both people reach their own agreement. The mediator doesn't decide the outcome; they facilitate the conversation, and both people may still have solicitors advising them. In Australia, mediation is generally required before you can apply to court. It's often faster and less costly than solicitor-led negotiation, and any agreement still needs to be formalised to be binding.
Collaborative law — both people and their solicitors commit to resolving things without court, through structured meetings, sometimes with financial advisers involved. If the process breaks down, both solicitors must withdraw and the parties start again with new representation. It works best when both are genuinely committed to resolution.
Direct agreement, with a solicitor to formalise — some couples reach agreement themselves and engage a solicitor only to check and formalise it. This suits straightforward situations: shorter relationships, limited assets, clear agreement on both sides. Even in the most amicable separation, having a solicitor review an agreement before you sign is worth the cost. Knowing what you're entitled to before you agree isn't the same as being adversarial.
Court proceedings — when no agreement can be reached any other way, either person can apply to the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia, which then determines the outcome under the Family Law Act. Court is slow, costly, and puts the outcome in a judge's hands rather than yours. It's almost always the last resort — but it exists, and it's there when it's needed.
Does seeing a solicitor mean it's going to get adversarial?
No. Going to a solicitor doesn't mean you're about to go to war. It means having someone in your corner who understands the process, knows what a fair outcome looks like, and can help you get there — by whichever path suits your situation. That first conversation is confidential, and it doesn't commit you to anything. Nothing moves faster than you want it to.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are the three things a separation deals with?
The financial settlement (dividing assets, debts, and superannuation), parenting arrangements where there are dependent children, and formalising the agreement so it's legally binding. Spousal maintenance applies in some circumstances.
Do you have to go to court to separate in Australia?
No. Most separations are resolved without court — through negotiation between solicitors, mediation, collaborative law, or direct agreement. Court is the last resort when no agreement can be reached. In fact, mediation is generally required before you can apply to court.
What's the difference between mediation and negotiation between solicitors?
In mediation, an independent mediator helps both people reach their own agreement without deciding the outcome. In solicitor-led negotiation, each person's solicitor negotiates on their behalf. Both can involve legal advice throughout, and any agreement reached still needs to be formalised to be binding.
Is de facto separation treated the same as divorce?
For property settlement, the Family Law Act 1975 applies to both married and de facto couples. The framework for dividing assets is the same.
A note on privacy
If you share a device, or you're using a work computer, it's worth reading these on a personal phone or device — using private browsing, or your own mobile data rather than shared or work Wi-Fi. Your privacy comes first, and there's no urgency here.
Download the printable guide — the process and the five approaches in one page, to keep or bring to a first meeting.
A note before you go If any of this feels overwhelming, or you don't feel safe, please reach out — there are people ready to help, any time. Lifeline · 13 11 14 · 24/7 crisis support 1800RESPECT · 1800 737 732 · free, confidential support for anyone affected by family or domestic violence. If a call isn't safe, you can text 0458 737 732 or chat online at 1800respect.org.au.